everybody has a story. what's mine?

my life is in a sort of mess right now... things i want to do, things i must give up, things that i should do... complications and distractions.

my goals seem to catch up with me, but as i get nearer, the things i must sacrifice makes me not want to take it anymore. i thought i could have my life the way i want it. every year i make a plan, but as it is, it seems like life already has a plan for me.

i mean, who would have thought, five years ago, when i was still in lyceum, that i would end up here in bahrain then be smacked again by fate, who would bring me back to manila to work as a "(post-production-what-is-that-again)".. man, good thing i didn't know what course i would take because who knew i would be job-hopping like this anyway...



man, we had a big as in BBBBBBBIIIIIIIGGGGGGG fight last saturday night. he was throwing things everywhere. is it my fault if he doesn't know what to do when i cry? i just told him im having second thoughts on going home because i think i will miss him so bad everytime ill hear a sad song then he got angry because im always changing my mind on everything. then the small fight led to a bigger fight. until we don't want to speak with each other anymore. he went to the other side of the room and drew something and i listened to the radio (both of us with our earphones each) and some time later i just found an artificial rose beside me with his wonderful abstract drawing.


of course, one of the most wonderful things of being in love is making up after a big fight... but the point is, after talking, is your relationship improving or you're just moving in circles?



i just dont know what's going on anymore. what do i want? will i give up this? or that? it's all so overwhelming that i just want to sit somewhere, take deep breaths and find myself.



so now as i am writing this... i still haven't got a clue as to what to do with my life.


i guess ill just live it one day at a time...





...i just want to be near him everyday

things are looking grim for you, my friend

hehehe...

(*evil grin*)

this morning i just felt the most satisfied feeling ever! amino just got left out of the action!

things are turning around very slowly, im sure gonna miss the time when they will totally kick his butt outta here!

yesterday his thoughts didn't count either... (thoughts? what thoughts? it was just his pride sticking out of his head saying 'hey, this is what i think and i have to contribute something.. quick!') ...his so-called duties are slowly being replaced by another... oooooo this is sure is fun...

i just love the feeling of working with others and have this conspiracy of not involving him and then have him realize he's been MIA for quite some time now.. which he deserves, actually...

happy birthday francis!

let's see if you can view the video through this link!

23rd birthday

(you have to wait for one full cycle of the video before it will play in normal speed)


here are the pictures...


as he entered our room, carrying a card given by his workmates...


blowing the candles


i used my own candles because the confectionery shop ran out of birthday candles that day..

goodbye wendy

no, she didn't die... she just left the company yesterday. finished contract.

(yes, she's pretty. no, she's not available anymore.)

she's a good person really... she just has this strange fondness of weird guys, but, as a friend, she is honest in a sweet way and always sharing her "lessons in life"...

here's some points to live by she taught me...

1. don't ever bother cleaning the house. or for that matter, doing any household work. why? because even if you do every single stinking thing a housewife should do, you will not be appreciated anyway. EVER. so why exert any effort at all? just hire a housemaid. it's your husband who will pay anyway...

2. don't get married at an early age. like my age. why? because people change. and the biggest change happens between the age 20 to 25. the person you knew when you are 20 may not be the same when you're both 25. people may say whatever they want, but think about it... people always say something everyday. suppose today they will say "why she didn't get married when they're living together?'"... 10 years later they may say "it was better they didn't get married at all... they're not compatible anyway"

so why bother?

3. living together and not get married is perfectly fine. (another why from me) ...because you will never know he's the one until you've tested your relationship in time. and while you're both (so much) in love, time will come when you will both find someone better than each other and get away with it, because you're not yet bounded by law anyway.

(no, i totally oppose to this)

4. you cannot find a single man in this world who will love ONLY YOU. one time or another, shit will happen. the only thing you can do to get yourself out of the heartbroken girls club is to (get the guts and) tell your beau that he can do whatever he pleases, provided that you will not know about it. her motto is "what i don't know won't hurt me...and vice versa" hahaha

5. live your life like you want to. people will say every f*ckin' word they want, but at the end of the day, you are only answerable tor yourself. give up explaining to mindless freaks and shallow morons, they will not believe you anyway...







and many more... but i have to work now.



oh well... these may or may not coincide with your beliefs... but she is not scared to tell everyone what she is. and she doesn't care if you like her or not. experience-wise, street-wise, relationship-wise... she learned all that because she's not scared to make mistakes.

from what i see from her, it's either you live your life by the rules. or if you don't... well, you can always be a guidance counsellor.


"take it from me... everything you want to learn, i've been there... i've done that!" -wendy

chasing liberty

how i wish i could also have an impromptu european getaway! this movie is so cool...

foR EvERy RuLE, tHERE is aN ExcEptioN.

that's my favorite quote!

*****

today is one of those so-so days.... usual. typical.

in other words: boring

*****


i had to drag myself fast out of bed this morning. my work starts at 8 and i woke up at 8:20 so i had to rush doing everything. which is why i hate being a girl. bambi does things simply. wake up. shower. brush teeth. dress. off to work.

apart from the week last march when i find myself looking forward to work, today i was back to the usual me: lazy. but there isn't any interesting things to do today. and even if there is, i know it will not be interesting anymore once i show the draft to mr freezer. his sense of creativity is out of this world. if he has one.

or maybe that's the problem, amino doesn't have one. that's why even if i am picasso and try to argue with him about the sensible way of creating artworks, i would just die trying. he. doesn't. make. sense. AT. ALL.

*****


my blog is dying for a make-over. i think ill do it before this blog's anniversary. hmmm, when is that?


anyways, i have loads of ideas... i don't know where to start! which is why i'm looking forward to my hiatus. after my contract expires here im off to manila and see my mentor and try to learn something new again. like html coding. or maya. or anything 3d. then i can change this blog's lay-out.

im so excited to go home! im so psyched to just walk our streets. shop at filinvest. have coffee at ayala town. even if i have to work, i can just find myself chilling out at 5:30 at some mall with my sister... there is so much to do there! unlike here. sleep. go to work. go home. eat. sleep. for the past two years i've been doing that, i think i'll go crazy to stay one more month!!!

(or for the simplest reason, just seeing amino's face here makes me want to leave tomorrow. i hate him so much!)


but last night, when we watched american wedding (for the umpteenth time) i couldn't help crying when i heard the song honey & the moon. how could i possibly go home and leave bambi here? risk everything again like i did when i went to dubai? how come half of me wants to be the independent girl i once was and half of me wants to be here, protected and loved? just going to work makes me miss him terribly...


aahhhh.. why does life have to be so complicated? everything's all right a minute ago....