everybody has a story. what's mine?

my life is in a sort of mess right now... things i want to do, things i must give up, things that i should do... complications and distractions.

my goals seem to catch up with me, but as i get nearer, the things i must sacrifice makes me not want to take it anymore. i thought i could have my life the way i want it. every year i make a plan, but as it is, it seems like life already has a plan for me.

i mean, who would have thought, five years ago, when i was still in lyceum, that i would end up here in bahrain then be smacked again by fate, who would bring me back to manila to work as a "(post-production-what-is-that-again)".. man, good thing i didn't know what course i would take because who knew i would be job-hopping like this anyway...



man, we had a big as in BBBBBBBIIIIIIIGGGGGGG fight last saturday night. he was throwing things everywhere. is it my fault if he doesn't know what to do when i cry? i just told him im having second thoughts on going home because i think i will miss him so bad everytime ill hear a sad song then he got angry because im always changing my mind on everything. then the small fight led to a bigger fight. until we don't want to speak with each other anymore. he went to the other side of the room and drew something and i listened to the radio (both of us with our earphones each) and some time later i just found an artificial rose beside me with his wonderful abstract drawing.


of course, one of the most wonderful things of being in love is making up after a big fight... but the point is, after talking, is your relationship improving or you're just moving in circles?



i just dont know what's going on anymore. what do i want? will i give up this? or that? it's all so overwhelming that i just want to sit somewhere, take deep breaths and find myself.



so now as i am writing this... i still haven't got a clue as to what to do with my life.


i guess ill just live it one day at a time...





...i just want to be near him everyday