the irony of life

i was thinking these past few days... if we were to go for a vacation next year, will we be giving ourselves a break from the ever-looming loneliness of homesickness, or we're just giving ourselves more reason to me homesick by the time we'll go back to work.

kuya jun told me... never go home if you're homesick. it will be worse when you come back.

it seems weird, when i think of it, if we'll eat somewhere, like, in filinvest, and we see everyone, having all the time in the world to eat and stroll, i think i'll feel weird that they take their lives for granted, when they are living what i've been dreaming... for the past 2 years.

i will never have time to sleep once i go back to manila. i will go to all the places i've missed, ride the jeep, smell the smoke, eat isaws, go to provinces, talk to people, and shop, shop, shop.

but each day that i'll wake up there, i will be counting the days left for me to stay. isn't it weird that 30 days seems so short for me, that in 30 days i'll be away again, dreaming again... when everyone is just living it their whole lives?

everyday i want to scream. and every night i have to dream. i want to fast-forward my life up to the point where we've saved enough. then we can go back to the place where we belong.

as much as i appreciate life, it seems pretty stupid that i think im wasting it here... counting days, or years... not actually living, just working, working, working, so i can live again.


if bambi isn't here, i think i'll be crazy sooner than what i've expected. here where i can't appreciate the prettiest of gardens, the everlasting rays of sunshine. everything has no life, no meaning.

you will never understand me until you work abroad. away from almost everything you cherish, almost everything that makes you happy. when that almost everything means your life.



ps. almost everything because i have bambi here. and maybe it's him that makes it bearable for me to stay one more day, one day at a time.